Weight Watchers!!!

Last Saturday, my wonderful Dad took my Mom, me, and Lily to Red Lobster for a fantastic dinner. It was one of those wonderfully indulgent meals that only happen once in a blue moon. Though my main course was actually moderately healthy (as far as options at Red Lobster go), it was negated by the inundation of cheddar biscuits, salad with full fat ranch dressing, and a glorious molten chocolate chip cookie something or another for dessert. This meal was a turning point for me.

I had been toying around with the idea of joining Weight Watcher online to help me lose weight, change my eating habits, and take control of myself. I had even joked through dinner that the meal was a great last hurrah before starting WW. But it was half-hearted. I wanted to do something but I didn't REALLY want to. And then, we went back to my parent's house and I did the unthinkable...something you should never do at 9:00 at night, after eating all day including such a heavy last meal: I weighed myself.

I'm not ready to share the number that popped up on there, but I will tell you this: I wholeheartedly was ready to sign up on WW and did so that night when I got home, and started Sunday.

And I've decided I'm going to blog about this journey. Maybe not every day, but definitely at least once a week. Though I can't bring myself to write the number the scale showed, I will say this: I have roughly 70 pounds I need to lose to get back into the middle of the weight range target for my height/age. I'm sure without even typing the number, you all can estimate what it is, and understand how that makes me feel. I knew I was overweight, and I knew I needed to do something, but I didn't realize how far out of hand it had gotten.

Here is how it breaks down for me on WW: I get 31 daily points, with 49 flex points per week to use (or not). Everytime I do an activity, I gain back activity points that, again, I can use (or not). Right now, I don't have a lot of time to do physical activity-- I don't have time to go to the gym with my schedule the way it is (and thankfully, that'll be changing, soon!), but I do try to fit some in everyday. On my lunch break at work, I walk around Wal-Mart at a brisk pace for about 30 minutes. I gain 3 activity points.

I'm not going to lie: these first few days I've been hungry. I'm still learning how to use my points best and what items to eat that have the most "staying power". I'm starting to get the hang of it, and instead of my snacks being point heavy, like Weight Watchers brownies or pretzels, I'm eating grapes and carrots (0 points per serving uncooked). But all in all, the point system has been easy to grasp, and I haven't gone over my points at all. I haven't really had to deprive myself of anything, either. I've been able to have a Weight Watchers ice cream bar every night with my remaining points. It's not about depriving yourself to lose weight; it's about using your points wisely. I've cut out soda completely, and am drinking around 186oz-200oz of water a day.

Thursday was a bit of a test for us: JP and I went to a member appreciation thing at Anytime Fitness, and there was a taco bar from Salsaritas. Proud to say that I did NOT over-indulge and stayed within my points range. I made it through week one and didn't use any of my activity points and only 2 flex points. I've learned that you can eat pretty much anywhere while on WW, it's just making the right choices there. For instance, a cheeseburger at McDonald's is something like 13 points, but chicken nuggets are 1 point a piece.

I looked in the mirror this morning when I was getting dressed and really felt like I looked a little bit different. I'm definitely less bloated (probably from all of the water) and my stomach looked a little flatter. This is probably all in my head, but it still made me feel good about making this choice to start this program. This is the first morning in a very long time I haven't been completely disgusted and disappointed by what I saw reflecting back at me. I still have a VERY long way to go but I think that I have finally found something that I can stick with. Saturday, I wanted to weigh myself, even though my official Weigh-In isn't until Sundays. As of Saturday afternoon, I had lost 4.3lbs! Today, when I weighed, I found I had actually lost 5.1lbs!

I am moving from the Wal-Mart branch to the Main Office, to a non-teller role, in about 2 weeks. This is excellent for so many reasons: I will get off work earlier, which will give me more time with Lily and JP. I will also be able to start getting up and out the door to the gym by the time JP gets home at 5. I'll be able to cook healthy dinners, and on nights JP is off work, we'll be able to sit and eat as a family. Also, one of my best friends works at the Main Office, and she is doing WW as well, so I will have someone there to help keep me on track. I also won't be sitting in Wal-Mart everyday, staring out into the abyss of chocolate bars, chips, Cheetos, and sodas. I know once I am able to get back into the gym, I'll really start seeing the fruits of my WW labors.

I'm sure the future updates won't be as long. I plan to touch on the progress I'm making, difficulties or struggles, maybe even good recipes I come across, and things like that. JP, in an act of solidarity, decided to join WW, too. He wanted to be sure I had support not only from Shelley at work, but from him at home. He figured it would be easier for me to stay on track, particularly when we go out to eat, if we were both on a points tracking program. Of course, he gets pretty much double the points that I do, but he is still sticking with it just like I have been. I'm thankful for him to be doing this with me, because I can definitely see it being a struggle to eat grilled chicken and steamed veggies when he's chowing down on a big, fat, greasy burger and onion rings.

Starting weight: Not telling yet, but 70 lbs more than it should be

Weigh in: Down 5.1lbs!!!! YEA!!

Meal of the week: I really love the Smart Ones breakfast quesadillas, and also the raspberry dark chocolate ice cream bars

Struggle this week: I need to eat more fruits and veggies

Goals for the upcoming week: I want to lose at least 2 lbs, continue drinking a lot of water (and no soda), not use any flex points, and walk every day on my lunch break

Never bend over to wash your feet again...

Let me just start by saying, while I'm now fairly certain Insanity won't kill me, it's still more than just a minor accomplishment to simply psych myself up to start the video. So to say I've completed 3 days of it now is a major accomplishment, particularly since I'm hardly the target audience. I did have to stop about 3 minutes before the cool down yesterday, but not because I thought I couldn't finish. It was because my child, apparently, is on the anti-exercise, "Let's-keep-mommy-fat-and-fluffy" bandwagon (she's a lone participant, I think) because she had a total and absolute meltdown last night in her playpen as soon as I started the warm-up. For those of you who know my child, she is really generally such a happy go lucky girl and can entertain herself for hours in her playpen with her toys...when she wants to. So I think that a "total and absolute meltdown" deserves a little further explanation, so you all know I'm not exaggerating.

Total and absolute meltdown- Lily's version: (v): Includes but is not limited to, crying, screaming so loud that the tv is drowned out, throwing herself backwards into the playpen, more screaming, jumping up and down and shaking her fists, and last but not least, sticking her fingers in her mouth until she gags herself or throws up. This stops the second she is picked up, and is a sign of being completely spoiled rotten.

So, after I begrudgingly shut off the workout and picked her up, she smiled, patted my cheek and said "Heya mama! Happy!" See? Spoiled.

After I cooled down, drank water, and made sure my heart wasn't going to stop or explode (JP's warning today before I started the work out was "Keep your phone near you, just in case something happens and you need to call someone for help." I know, it made me super excited to work out, too.) I went on to bed, where I'm happy to say Lily slept ALL night!

Thanks to Rebecca Black's auto tuned awesomeness, I can tell you that today is Thursday. Tomorrow is Friday, and there are some other days that come after that but I don't really care (for the next week, anyway) because as of Friday at 7:01pm, I am on VACATION! Now, don't get too excited. I'm not really going anywhere. I'm just not going to be at work. I'm going to spend the week enjoying my baby and husband, because it's the last week my baby will BE a baby. I keep getting letters in the mail from Gerber, Similac, and Enfamil reminding me of this terribly sad fact. "I am not a baby" they say, "I am now a TODDLER." I am not ready for a toddler but I don't suppose I get much choice in the matter. It's hard to believe this time last year, I was 35 weeks pregnant with a ninja nicknamed Oops, fully expecting to have 5 weeks of pregnancy left. Little did I know my baby girl would get jealous of her Daddy having all the birthday cake and Easter candy and come 4 weeks ahead of schedule.

That brings me to another milestone I get to celebrate during my week off. My husband turns old..um...I mean...30...on April 5. He was 23 when I met him, and I was 21. It's crazy how time flies, but I can't think of anyone I'd rather be with on this crazy ride.

This weekend, I'm going to finish putting out my garden. I've had pretty good success with the seed starters, and I have several good sized plants to put out. Hopefully, once they get out in the "real" world, and not on my kitchen chair in the window, they won't shrivel up and die. The day I get an actual, edible vegetable will be a great day in my house, let me tell you, because I am hardly the "green thumb" type.

While I'm on vacation, I have a list of non-vacation-y stuff to do, like go to the eye doctor, paint the hallway and laundry room, and go through my, Lily's and JP's clothes and get stuff together for a yard sale (or Goodwill, depending on my patience level at the end of this venture), plus JP's birthday party and actual birthday, and Lily's birthday. I'm interested to see how much of what I have planned to get done actually gets done, because JP is taking some vacation days, too.

Random item of the day

Since I am inside of a Wal-Mart most days, I usually try to take a brisk walk around the store on my lunch break to get a little blood flowing and to break the monotony of staring out at the registers. In my travels through the store, I see a lot of interesting things (and I'm not just talking about the people shopping). Today, I saw an "As Seen On TV" item that is quite possibly the laziest invention known to man, if not by product itself, by tag line. It's a foot scrubber thing. I didn't catch the name, but from what I gathered it affixes to the bottom of your tub and you can slide your feet in it during a shower and it cleans them for you. It looks like a shoe with a scrub brush inside of it, kind of. The best part of this novel invention is it's tag line "Never bend over to wash your feet again!" Now you tell me, how lazy have we become that we want an apparatus that will keep us from having to perform the arduous task of bending over to wash our own feet? Really? The first image that popped into my mind when I pondered this was from the movie Wall-E, where all humans were pretty much fat, lazy, and perfectly content to know nothing and do nothing for themselves. Once I saw that, I texted two people to tell them about it. One was a woman, my friend Jennifer. The other? A man, my husband. Jennifer texted back and said "How lazy! JP, on the other hand, texted me back, "How much is it? I want one! So does Brandon and Joe!" That's the difference between men and women, right there.

Of all the things I've lost, I wish more of it had been weight!

Hello lovely readers! It's day 30 of the blog challenge, and I'm on day 24 or 25 topic wise. It's also day 3 of Insanity. That means I not only surived Day 2 (which was the official first day of the workout), but I'm planning to continue.

Let me just tell you, this workout is the most aptly named workout I've ever seen. The workout is insane, and you have to BE insane to do it. I was ready to pass out halfway into the warm up yesterday, so none of you should be surprised to know that I threw up 26 minutes and 43 seconds into the 45 minute workout. But you will be surprised to know that I drank some water, let the room quit spinning, and got back to it and finished the workout. I have done more cardio in the last 2 days than I've done in the last 2 years (at least) and I have jumped more in the last 2 days than I have in probably my entire adult life (and my legs are killing me as a continuous reminder of how fat and/or out of shape I have become). I told JP if I don't lose weight doing this program then something is terribly wrong...between the jumping, running, and throwing up, the weight's gotta go somewhere!

As a reward for sticking with this and a motivator to continue with it, I got to get a new pair of cross trainers. I have a pair of Nikes that I've worn for a long time, and my feet just kill me when I am doing all the jumping. I think the arches flattened out in them just due to all of the wear. It makes me a little sad, because I didn't wear them out with exercise, I just wore them out wearing them around for the last few years.

Today's challenge topic is "Something I Miss" and while I could write about a lot of things or people, I'm going to stay right along with what I've been talking about.

I miss feeling good about how I look.

I miss the days when I could eat whatever I wanted (Hardees for breakfast? Ok! Los Compadres cheese nachos for lunch? Sure! Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner? Count me in! Waffle House double order of hashbrowns scattered, covered, and chunked at midnight? Heck yea!). I miss the days where I could pull on a pair of size 5 jeans (now, I'm lucky if my LEG is a size 5). I miss looking in the mirror and feeling good about how I look, because now I don't even want to look in the mirror because I just hate what I see. I don't like getting my pictures taken, not even with Lily, because of my fat face, double chin, and belly. I miss enjoying the pool (I don't, now, because I'm too busy trying to keep my thunder thighs and bat wing flabby arms under wraps.) I hate these feelings.

So, I'm doing something about it.

I currently weigh 195lbs. That is 55lbs over what "ideal" weight is for my height, and embarrassingly enough, close to 15bs over what I weighed the day before I went to the hospital to have Lily. I lost a lot of the baby weight really quickly after having her, but as you now know, I managed to gain it all back and then some. This is due, in part, to bad eating habits for the first few months after Lily was born, while I was on maternity leave, but is due, more so, to complete lack of physical activity. I have been to the gym a grand total of 3 times since Lily has been alive. that's 3 times out of 356 days. That's ridiculous.

Before I got pregnant, I was really losing weight. I was at the gym 5 to 7 days a week, had a program from a personal trainer, was watching what I ate...the whole 9 yards. I was down to 160lbs, and though I wasn't totally happy with that, I was feeling good. I had started at 185lbs, so I was proud of my weight loss. Then I got pregnant, and sick, sick, sick. It was about 6 months into the pregnancy before I actually gained any weight because of how sick I was. I'd gain, then lose, then gain, then lose. My pregnancy weight gain, total, was 20lbs. About 4 or 5 weeks after I had Lily, I was back down to 165, and now here we are 30lbs heavier. I had every intention of getting back into the gym as often as I could, as soon as I could, but it ended up being a lot more difficult than I had thought. I wanted to spend as much time with my daughter as I could. My mom baby-sits, and sometimes Lily is with her 12 hours a day, and I just didn't want to burden my mom (and have Lily away from us even longer) by going to the gym in the mornings before work. Then my mom said she'd keep her later if I wanted to go after work, so I did a few times. But, picking Lily up at 9 at night didn't shorten the time she was at my parents and away from me, and then I had what felt like even less time with her once we got home, because I had house hold chores to do and she fell asleep. I had a lot of bad mommy guilt and bad wife guilt, so that plan went out the window. Even though I had changed my eating habits for the most part, no physical activity had caught up in a big way.

That brings us to Insanity, here and now. I can do it at home. Whether I get up early, wait until Lily falls asleep, or do it in the middle of the afternoon while she watches me look ridiculous from her playpen, I can do it and not lose time with her. Being at home jumping around like a lunatic requires a clean floor, so the house is staying cleaner so I have work space. I'm going to work on my eating and change those habits even more.

My goal for my family is to be really active and healthy. I want to make sure JP and I are able to instill GOOD habits in Lily so she enjoys outdoor/athletic/physical activity and doesn't wrinkle her nose at a plate of grilled tilapia and veggies because it's not breaded, fried, and nugget shaped. I want to make sure JP and I have ourselves in good shape before Lily is old enough to remember what we look like out of shape.

Rather than sitting around and continuing to complain about how big I feel (all the while getting bigger), I'm going to push myself through to the end of this workout. Then, I might do it again. Hopefully by then, I'll be at my new job at the Main Office with better hours, so I'll have more leeway for gym time. I'm GOING to get back in shape...maybe even better shape than ever!

Look ma! No hands!

Two in one day, how lucky for you, readers! I started out with 4 people following my blog and now I have 16, so I have to keep the interest up. Here's another blog, straight out of the challenge...

Day 24: Something I've Learned

In almost 28 years, I've learned a lot of things, so when I first read this topic, I thought along the same lines of a friend of mine doing this challenge... "Really? Something I've learned? I've learned a lot in 28 years...what kind of topic is this?" I talked a lot about learning lessons in the regrets blog, but I'm sure I can come up with something(s) I've learned for this one. You know all that book learnin' I did at Friendship Christian and Cumberland, as well as some real world experience has taught me at least something...we hope, anyway.

1. I've learned that 2+2=4, unless you're doing algebra, then it could equal x, y, z, or even an imaginary number. That's another thing altogether that I've learned. There IS such a thing as an imaginary number.

2. I've learned that sometimes stupid things take up space in your brain's memory bank, such as a childhood phone number (410-538-6947...my phone number when I was 5!) but other, more important things (like remembering to text your best friend on her birthday, which happens to fall conveniently on the same day every year for her whole life and as long as you've known her) don't stick.

3. When I was about 24, I learned that I can no longer eat whatever I want with no repercussions. I learned this lesson the hard way.

4. I've learned that no matter how hard you try, not everyone is going to like you. I've also learned that the people who don't like you when you're totally, 100% yourself aren't people you should want in your life anyway.

5. I've learned that, while it's great to have my own identity, I truly love being "JP's wife" and "Lily's mommy". I will always wear those two titles proudly.

6. I've learned that no matter how airtight and absolute you think a plan is that you've made...life is probably not going to happen that way. I've learned it's much easier to form a general idea of what you want out of life or a particular situation, and the rest of the time just go with the natural flow of life. Crap happens and plans get messed up, and instead of letting it ruin your day, life, whatever, you just kind of have to go back to square one, assess the damage, and move in the new direction.

7. I've learned that I may not be the smartest, prettiest, thinnest person in the world, but the most awesome man on the planet loves me and THAT is all that matters.

8. I've learned that sometimes, the best approach to life is to sit down, shut up, and strap yourself in for the ride. Other times, the best approach is go to "Look ma! No hands" while blindfolded.

9. I've learned that acne doesn't always go away when you're no longer a teenager. Yay.

10. I've learned that life is what you make it. If you let the bad stuff get to you and drag you down, you'll never find happiness. You've got to take the bad stuff and learn from it. It's important to realize that sometimes bad stuff is going to happen. No matter what you do, it'll happen-- you'll get sick, have an unexpected bill, whatever the case may be. It's how you approach these issues that determines what kind of person you'll let life make you. Those people that always feel sorry for themselves and make themselves out to be the victims of their situations instead of owning their situations, are the most unhappy people in the world. I don't want to spend my time dwelling on the bad.

11. I've learned that I had no idea what love really was until I had Lily. The love I have for her is immeasurable, and the love I have for JP has grown exponentially.

12. I've learned that baby poop is no joke. It still to this day amazes me how so much can come out of something so small, sometimes.

13. I've learned that there are people in this world who are just really, truly, honestly and deeply bad. Likewise, I've learned that not everyone is out to get me, and there are more good, honest, and truthful people in the world than bad ones.

14. Just as I've learned that not everyone will like you, I've also learned that you can't please everyone all the time. What matters is, at the end of the day, you make choices that are good ones for you and your family.

15. I've learned that there will always be someone in my life who will disagree with me, just for the sake of argument or being different. If I say I love Dr. Pepper, they'll say Coke is better. If I say the sky is a beautiful shade of cerulean blue, they'll contend it's more of a greyish robin's egg blue., and that they've seen prettier. If I say I think Lily weighs about 22lbs, they'll say no, it's probably closer to 23lbs and 9.25 ounces. I've learned you just have to smile, nod, and continue on.

16. I've learned that Wal-Mart bathrooms are the nastiest places on earth. I know this is a glaring generalization but from what I've seen, it's true. Don't get me started on the bathrooms at the Wal-Mart where I work...that's a whole different blog post.

Days 22, and 23...My favorite bible verse and favorite quotes, and other stuff.

Upon looking back at this month, I found I have 21 entries. Some people are thinking "Wow! I can't believe I've read 21 pieces of nothing on this blog in the last month!" But others are thinking (myself included) "Wait, isn't this a blog a day challenge? Didn't she start it at the beginning of the month? Isn't this the 29th? That's 8 entries missing..." While the short attention spanned side of me is proud of myself for 21 rambling entries, the studious part of me is upset that I didn't totally stick to the challenge. But, I'm writing a lot of things that weren't part of the challenge, and I actually enjoy what I'm doing, so I guess I need to look at this as an accomplishment, even if completing the actual challenge takes 10935084 days instead of 30.

I'm actually going to write about the challenge topic, but before I do, here are short recaps of things I mentioned in prior blogs.

Lily didn't have a new word yesterday, but she still talked to us all night. She cheered for me when I did my fit test, and picked up some letters in the tub when I asked her to find them. Her favorite letters (or the ones she can identify correctly most often) are B, O, and T. She can show me her fish toys in the tub, as well as the octopus toys. Right now, one of her favorite things to do is pick up something and hold is up for us to tell her what it is, what color it is, and what sound it makes (if any). She's so curious, and I love it.

Since you're reading this, that means I actually wrote today, and THAT means I didn't die from the Fit Test for Day 1 of Insanity. (Sorry to those of you I bequeathed my stuff to yesterday before the work out, I know you all wanted my books, clothes, shoes, and cooking stuff!) I have never seen a work out more aptly named. It is insane, and you have to BE insane to do it. I did at least one rep of each exercise, which is saying something when the super buff, fit people on the video are only doing 9 or 10 of a particular exercise, for my fat butt to make it through one is an accomplishment. There were a few exercises where I actually did more than JP, which is also an accomplishment, considering I'm the antithesis of anything athletic and he has worked out at least 100 times more than me since I got pregnant. I didn't die, I didn't pass out, and I didn't throw up (even though I felt like it for a little while afterwards). Now I'm as ready as I'll ever be for the brutal workout, and the next Fit Test at the end of week 2. JP is bribing me with promises of new, skinny clothes, so I must stick with it. I'd like to note here, after doing the actual Day 1 workout, Insanity is 45 minutes of hell 6 days a week. But, again, I didn't die. Threw up, but didn't die. Accomplishment!

We are going to see Minus the Bear in concert-- I'm so excited! They're playing at the Cannery Ballroom on June 1, which is the day before our anniversary. It's also towards the end of Insanity, so we can dually celebrate.

And now, I present to you, Day 22 of the actual blog challenge: "My Favorite Bible Verse".

I had actually decided to skip this one at first. Not because I don't like the Bible or anything like that, but because I wasn't sure what verse was actually my favorite. I try to live a good life and do the right thing, but I don't attend church regularly and I don't have a denominational affiliation. I was kind of concerned that I would come off as a hypocrite on this one. But, then I reconsidered it, and I know in my heart that it doesn't matter what church I do or do not attend, faith is faith and I have that. So, here is one of my favorite passages:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

To me, this passage is one everyone needs to take to heart and live their life by. I think people spend a lot of their time doing the complete opposite of loving one another. If we spent more time being patient, kind, humble, honorable, calm, and forgiving, wouldn't this world be a better place? Love is the perfect, clean, innocent emotion. I know this is the passage commonly used at weddings, but it should be a verse commonly used throughout relationships in our lives. I love my husband, and I know when he makes me mad, I'll get over it because I forgive him because of the love I have for him. But what if we applied this verse to other areas of our lives?

How often do we lose our patience with others? How often, when you get upset with everyone else, do you want to give them a laundry list of everything they've ever done to annoy you? (Well, you not only spilled coffee on my rug and ruined it, but 25 years ago, at my 3rd birthday, you took 2 goody bags, and when I was 12, you lost my favorite scrunchie, and 3 years ago you were late to our lunch date...) Instead of being happy for your friend who got a new job or moved into a bigger house, we often wonder why WE didn't get a new job or when will WE move into a larger house...why? Relationships full of anger, hatred, and mistrust ALWAYS fail, but relationships full of love thrive forever.

I believe, wholeheartedly, that the life we have here is truly the worst it's going to ever get for those who believe in God and heaven. Bad days, Murphy's Law (if it can happen, it will happen), anger, evil, jealousy, crime, fear...none of that is waiting for you on the other side if you live your life correctly. But, since we are stuck in this life for a long time, why can't we try to make it as good and happy as we can? Approach life and everything in it with love, and see what happens!

Day 23: My Favorite Quote

Continuing right along with the actual challenge is something that goes along with the Bible verse day. "My Favorite Quote". It's hard for me to pick just one, so here is a sampling of quotes that have really stuck out to me over the years.

"No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of another"-- Charles Dickens

I like this one because it's so true. There are a lot of times when I feel like I'm not important, and this reminds me that sometimes even the littlest things I do for another person may have lightened their load (or their heart) and for that, I have a purpose.

"Life can be wildly tragic at times, and I've had my share. But whatever happens to you, you still have to keep a slightly comic attitude. In the final analyses, you have got not to forget to laugh"-- Katherine Hepburn

This one is so true. You have to just find the humor in some things, or you'll drive yourself crazy.

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." -- Marilyn Monroe

"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow, for babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep. I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep."-- Anonymous

I often talk about how it makes me sad that Lily is growing so fast, so this quote is really great for me right now. There is always something that needs to be cleaned or washed at home, but my baby girl won't always want to be cuddled and hugged.

"Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. Make all your friends feel there is something special in them. Look at the sunny side of everything. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give everyone a smile. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others. Be too big for worry and too noble for anger." -- Christian D. Larsen

I told you, I am an eternal optimist.

"Any change, any loss, does not make us victims. Others can shake you, surprise you, disappoint you, but they can't prevent you from acting, from taking the situation you're presented wtih an moving on. No matter where you are in life, no matter what your situation, you can always do something. You always have a choice, and the choice can be power." -- Blaine Lee

When bad things happen, it's so easy for us to take the route of "Woe is me! How could this happen?" It's so much easier to wallow in self-pity than to pick yourself up by your boot straps, brush yourself off, and continue on with life. It's hard for us to remember that we have a choice in everything, and how we handle even the smallest change can make a huge difference in our whole lives.

I didn't die doing Day 1 of Insanity....

As promised, I'm bringing you a blog about things that make me happy. Happy is much better than annoyed, and I have to keep up my "Sunshine and Rainbows" positive persona. When you approach life positively, you feel better about the outcome of anything life throws at you, anyway, so we can all use a good dose of it every now and again. There is no easier way to improve your mood and help you feel better about yourself and your situation, than to make a list of things that make you happy. Not things that you think would make you happy (A mansion! A million dollars! A Remington 700! --that's for JP--etc, etc, etc) but things that you already have in your life that make you happy.

There's a little kid's saying that is appropriate for this kind of thing: "We get what we get, and we don't fuss a bit." I say this is appropriate because life doesn't just hand you a golden ticket. Sometimes, life hands you lemons (to that, I say add vodka and throw a party), and sometimes, life takes a big poo and you step in it while wearing your favorite shoes (to that, I say, weren't you wanting new shoes anyway?). No matter what life hands you...what curve ball gets hit into the left field of your existence...it's important to take stock of the good, and wonderful things you have and what makes you happy.

So here is a list of mine.

1. Chocolate makes me happy. I know, there is a chemical compound in chocolate that makes a person feel that way, but I'm still listing it. Chocolate would thrill me if it were fat free and still tasted good, and I would be nearly to the point of spontaneous combustion due to happiness if chocolate were fat free, tasted good, and melted away unsightly fat.

2. Lily's voice makes me happy. It's just the cutest sound in the world. I can't explain it. Her laugh is contagious and makes me so happy to hear. I love hearing her talk and laugh. I guess, what really makes me happy is that she is happy.

3. Reading a good book...actually...reading mostly any book, makes me happy. I like how quickly the time passes when I get engrossed in a book. I like learning new things by reading, and I like the enjoyment reading a trashy book brings. It makes me happy to be into books enough to read pretty much anything anyone puts in my hands.

4. Pink stuff makes me happy. I thought by the time Lily actually got here, I'd hate pink because it exploded in a way I never thought possible in my house during my pregnancy. But in actuality, quite the opposite has happened. I LOVE the color pink, both for Lily and for myself and my stuff.

5. Getting something I want on a really good sale makes me happy. Getting it on a really good sale AND being able to use coupons with it? Even better.

6. My car makes me happy. No, not the Impala that I always complain about (though, in all actuality, once we fix the cosmetic problems and get it tuned up, I won't dislike it nearly as much), but my Ford Escape. I have had it for 9 years and 130,000 miles. It's been my car longer than JP's been my husband (or even my boyfriend, for that matter). When we finally do get rid of it, I'll cry.

7. JP makes me happy. Duh. I know you all know this. So, something specifically that he does that makes me happy is when I'm having a bad day or not feeling so awesome, he acts extra goofy just to make me smile.

8. Bath time makes me happy. Lily is a little wild monkey, and when you put her in the water, she becomes a little wild monkey fish. She splashes so much water, that I might as well be in the tub myself. Some people would get mad at having to change clothes and sop water up off of the floor in the bathroom every night, but she has so much fun, I can't be mad. If she even hears the water running in the tub, the look of sheer joy in her eyes is the best thing in the world. She could flood the bathroom (and probably will, one day) and I'll still be happy.

9. Don't anyone tell my husband, but it makes me happy that he is so into the whole survivalist thing. I mean, it does drive me crazy that he goes on and on and on about buying guns and ammo and making me & Lily go bags and how we need to stock up on food, water and supplies, but deep down I know he is crazy over it because of how much he cares for us and wants to protect us, should something bad ever happen. THAT is what makes me happy, to know that he cares that deeply, because other people aren't as fortunate to have a person like that in their lives.

10. My sense of humor makes me happy. I can take a joke, and I can laugh at myself. I have a self-deprecating sense of humor and I'm the first to poke fun at myself. I never used to think I was funny, but as I get older, either I'm getting funnier or I have recognized I'm a little witty from time to time. Either way, I think I'm pretty down to earth, and I like that about myself.

I don't know about you all, but I feel better already.

Yesterday was annoying!

Yesterday was a terrible, no good, very bad, awful, icky, yucky, blah, "I-wish-I-could-go-back-to-bed-and-sleep-til-tomorrow" type of day. Nothing really, really bad happened, just a bunch of little crappy things that all together formed one big finger that pressed my big red "Do Not Push" button. Because I was little Miss Negativity yesterday, I have re-evaluated my day and tried to come up with something positive or some lessons I learned. Here's what I've got.

1. An 8oz bottle of formula, when spilled in it's entirety across your bed in the middle of the night, looks more like a gallon. It also requires the memory foam mattress pad and sheet to be removed because if you cover it with towels to soak up the milk instead of change the bed, it feels much like a Princess & the Pea situation. I thought Lily and I were going to roll off the bed because it felt like we were sleeping on a mountain side. To make this positive, JP had been talking about removing the mattress pad anyway, and it was just about time to strip the bed and wash the sheets anyway. Both problems, solved. Thank you, Similac formula and leaky Avent bottle.

2. Fuel injector cleaner really does work and make a difference when put in your gas tank; however, the "Easy open pull tab" is not easy open. This will splatter on your wool coat, making it (and you) smell like a garage. At least my car runs beautifully, and at 130,000 miles, this is VERY good.

3. I never carry an umbrella. One day, while out wandering through Wal-Mart, I happened upon a very compact, zebra print umbrella. I bought it, and have been quite proud of myself ever since because now, I always have an umbrella with me. Well, now that it's rained and I've used said umbrella, who's approximate circumference will only cover the width of a small child, not a fluffy (read: full figured) adult, I'm no longer proud of myself for my purchase. Maybe when I lose weight and don't have body parts sticking out all over the place from underneath the umbrella, I'll like it more. On the upside, my glasses didn't get wet, which is one of my very biggest pet peeves.

In honor of my no good, very bad, terrible awful day full of annoyances, I am going to tell you about my top annoyances. But first, here are a few other things.

Lily's word of the day is actually more like a few phrases. She now knows the first 4 letters of her ABC's, and can tell you what noise a cow, sheep, and chicken make. Her "baaaaa" sounds more like some kind of creepy machine gun alien voice, but it's cute nonetheless. She has also learned that she can stand up in the seat of a cart (much to my dismay, my child IS a daredevil with no fear of anything), and now does this little cheesy grin and wave to people when we're out in public. I bought her a pair of pink bunny ears at Target yesterday, and she wore them, grinned, and waved at people through the rest of the store.

Tonight, I'm doing the "fit test" portion of Insanity. Should I survive this, I will give you an update on how I faired. I have a friend who's lost close to 15lbs in about 4 weeks on the Insanity program, so I'm hoping I have similar results. I'm really hoping I don't throw up, pass out, or let this workout kill me. It would be very detrimental to my already faltering self esteem.

I told you the other day about the Nesting book I read. I've now started a new book, "Sliding Into Home" by Kendra Wilkinson (yes, that Kendra...from Girls Next Door). I just started it today and I'm nearly finished. It's her autobiography, and it's awesome. I had no idea a lot of things that she'd gone through in her life. If you don't mind bad language (the book is written exactly how she talks on the show, but without the bleeps), it's a quick, fun read.

And now, the topic du jour. We'll call this "Day 17..18..20? Things That Drive Me Crazy".

1. When people use big words incorrectly or misspell them, that annoys me. Pseudonym is pronounced Soo-dough-nim, not swayde-oh-nim. If you can't say it correctly, don't say it.

2. When people turn their turn signals on 230849023984 miles before their turn, so you get used to driving behind them with the signal flashing, and then they turn sharply...that annoys me.

3. Laundry annoys me. Why is it NEVER ever done? I can do 300 loads of clothes and at the end of the day, the clothes we all have on are dirty and need to be washed.

4. You all already know my annoyance when it comes to leggings, so I won't go into it again. One thing worth repeating: There are certain items of clothing that should not be worn once a person reaches a certain clothing size. These include: bikinis (not 2 pieces...bikinis...you know the things with the little triangles and strings), daisy duke shorts, and leggings, and this size is anything over about a size 4, unless you're in great physical shape.

5. When people question the obvious, it annoys me. If I'm sitting indoors, wearing a coat, why ask me "Are you cold?" Worst than questioning the obvious, is pointing out the obvious. If I'm shaking off a wet umbrella, I don't need you to tell me "It's raining outside." I'm aware, thank you. I'd much rather be told things I don't know, such as "There is a giant attack spider poised to jump on your head" or "I know a secret phone number to Wal-Mart that will get you to someone who will not only turn the air conditioning off when it's cold, but will also get someone to actually maintain a clean restroom."

6. Dirty glasses, wet glasses, or anything other than pristine, clear glasses, annoy me. I'm nearsighted so I have a hard time seeing anything that's not right up in my face. As a result, even the slightest smudge on my glasses is ridiculously visible and annoying. One of JP's favorite past times is licking his fingers then rub my glasses with them. One of these days, I'm going to knock him out if I can ever get my glasses cleaned quick enough to see where he runs off to.

7. When people ask when JP and I are having another baby, that annoys me. We'll have another baby when we feel like it. Right now we're enjoying and spoiling Lily, and Lily is our sole focus. We like it that way.

8. Probably one of my biggest annoyances is when people treat me or talk to me like I'm less intelligent than them. I hate being made to feel like I am stupid, because I'm not. There are definitely ways to speak to people and ways not to. I also don't like being made to feel like I am less of a person or less quality of a person. We are all people, and none of us are perfect and flawless, so don't look down your nose at me.

That's all I'll list for now. Those are my biggest, ugliest pet peeves. I think I'm going to have to follow this with a second post about things that make me happy. There are many, many more of those than things that annoy me.