I don't know what today's blog entry is supposed to be. I'm so far behind I'm just kind of picking and choosing the topics I like now. The latest one I've read that I thought, "Well, this one could get interesting" is about regrets. "Something I Regret" is the official title. I think it's something like Day 20, but it's only Day 13 or 14 for me. That's ok, though.
Regrets, for me, are kind of funny. I try to look at everything that I've done in my life, good or bad, as learning experiences. I have learned different lessons from all of my mistakes, and every decision I've made is a decision that's helped me become the person I am today. Without them, I would have missed out on some valuable (read: long, hard, annoying, and costly) lessons. Having made most of these bad decisions when I was young, though, it's helped keep me from making worse mistakes (read: even more annoying and more costly) since I've been with JP and been married. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even the crappy stuff, because it enables us to make positive or negative changes in our life. But, that being said, I probably would change a few things if I could not change the outcome of any major events in my life.
1. I wouldn't have gotten a Visa credit card when I was 19. Well, actually, I probably would still if I had to do it over again, given that I was living on my own then and trying to build my credit. What I would NOT have done was add my then boyfriend as an authorized user of the card. 9 years and several thousand dollars later, I'm finally close to paying it off. Mistake? Yes. Lesson learned? Yes. Several. I will never have another credit card again, ever, and I will always tell everyone I know that if they DO have a credit card, to be very selective when and where you use it, and who is on it with you.
2. Normally, people would say "I never would have dated this person or that person". I am of the opposite opinion, which is kind of suprising to most people because until JP, I dated far less than stellar people who treated me terribly or took advantage of me, or both. I wouldn't change dating them. If anything, I'd change the duration in which I stayed with them. It would've been much, much shorter, and I would've made sure I didn't put up with nearly as much crap. Mistakes? Yes. Lessons learned? Oh, yes. The terrible, awful, lazy, dead beat, serial cheating, lying guys I dated made me realize what I had found in JP, very early in our relationship. Remembering how they treated me makes me appreciate him a million times more than I would if I hadn't had those experiences. They've also helped me learn to stand up for myself a little more and be less of a doormat, so my relationship with JP is give and take, and compromise. They made me realize I was worth more than I was giving myself credit for, and made me much more upfront with my feelings and thoughts. When JP and I first started dating, I laid it out on the table for him-- there were no games, and no back and forth. We were real with one another from the get go, and we still are today.
3. I wanted to go to school for interior design for as long as I can remember. I never did. I would've really liked that, I think, impractical as it probably would've proven. I have a great job and am very blessed to work for a stable employer where I don't have to worry. Had I gone to school for interior design, I would've been left to my own devices and probably been a starving artist. But, I would've done something I wanted. There is no real lesson to learn here, because deep down I do feel like I made the best decision. Even leaving college before I graduated is a decision I feel ok about. I didn't know what I wanted to do and wanted to wait to finish school until I knew what I wanted to do. When we're more financially ready, JP and I both plan to go back and finish school. Him for a degree in Criminal Justice, and me in nursing.
I read a silly email forward once that I think was supposedly written by Erma Bombeck. She was a comedienne back in the day, and I believe she passed away from breast cancer. But anyway, this email was about how, looking back on things, she wished she would've done little things in her life differently. For instance, she mentioned how she'd burn the decorative candles rather than box them up and hide them away in the attic. She'd let her kids and guests use the pretty hand towels and expensive soap. She'd set her table with the good china on an average Tuesday spaghetti night rather than hide it away in a china cabinet. Basically, she would've done things to allow herself and those around her to enjoy life to it's fullest. That email has always made me think. As a child, I collected erasers-- you know the kind shaped like flowers and smiley faces, etc. I also collected Lisa Frank notecards and stickers. And I never used them. I didn't want to "waste" them. I found a box at my mom's house a few months ago that contained ALL of those notecards, stickers, erasers, and all of my other "pretties" I never wanted to "waste". What did I do, then, essentially? Yep. I wasted them.
I could sit back all day and think about things I wish I would've done or said differently in my life. I could complain about people who have done me wrong, hurt my feelings, or broke my heart. I could hide all of my nice hand towels, and special food treats. But what good would it do? What good does being negative and constantly dwelling on the past? Instead of wishing about what I would change, I try to learn from my experiences and take those lessons to become a stronger person, and a better example for my daughter. Crappy stuff is going to happen. It's what you do when faced with it that makes a difference.
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