Hello lovely readers! It's day 30 of the blog challenge, and I'm on day 24 or 25 topic wise. It's also day 3 of Insanity. That means I not only surived Day 2 (which was the official first day of the workout), but I'm planning to continue.
Let me just tell you, this workout is the most aptly named workout I've ever seen. The workout is insane, and you have to BE insane to do it. I was ready to pass out halfway into the warm up yesterday, so none of you should be surprised to know that I threw up 26 minutes and 43 seconds into the 45 minute workout. But you will be surprised to know that I drank some water, let the room quit spinning, and got back to it and finished the workout. I have done more cardio in the last 2 days than I've done in the last 2 years (at least) and I have jumped more in the last 2 days than I have in probably my entire adult life (and my legs are killing me as a continuous reminder of how fat and/or out of shape I have become). I told JP if I don't lose weight doing this program then something is terribly wrong...between the jumping, running, and throwing up, the weight's gotta go somewhere!
As a reward for sticking with this and a motivator to continue with it, I got to get a new pair of cross trainers. I have a pair of Nikes that I've worn for a long time, and my feet just kill me when I am doing all the jumping. I think the arches flattened out in them just due to all of the wear. It makes me a little sad, because I didn't wear them out with exercise, I just wore them out wearing them around for the last few years.
Today's challenge topic is "Something I Miss" and while I could write about a lot of things or people, I'm going to stay right along with what I've been talking about.
I miss feeling good about how I look.
I miss the days when I could eat whatever I wanted (Hardees for breakfast? Ok! Los Compadres cheese nachos for lunch? Sure! Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner? Count me in! Waffle House double order of hashbrowns scattered, covered, and chunked at midnight? Heck yea!). I miss the days where I could pull on a pair of size 5 jeans (now, I'm lucky if my LEG is a size 5). I miss looking in the mirror and feeling good about how I look, because now I don't even want to look in the mirror because I just hate what I see. I don't like getting my pictures taken, not even with Lily, because of my fat face, double chin, and belly. I miss enjoying the pool (I don't, now, because I'm too busy trying to keep my thunder thighs and bat wing flabby arms under wraps.) I hate these feelings.
So, I'm doing something about it.
I currently weigh 195lbs. That is 55lbs over what "ideal" weight is for my height, and embarrassingly enough, close to 15bs over what I weighed the day before I went to the hospital to have Lily. I lost a lot of the baby weight really quickly after having her, but as you now know, I managed to gain it all back and then some. This is due, in part, to bad eating habits for the first few months after Lily was born, while I was on maternity leave, but is due, more so, to complete lack of physical activity. I have been to the gym a grand total of 3 times since Lily has been alive. that's 3 times out of 356 days. That's ridiculous.
Before I got pregnant, I was really losing weight. I was at the gym 5 to 7 days a week, had a program from a personal trainer, was watching what I ate...the whole 9 yards. I was down to 160lbs, and though I wasn't totally happy with that, I was feeling good. I had started at 185lbs, so I was proud of my weight loss. Then I got pregnant, and sick, sick, sick. It was about 6 months into the pregnancy before I actually gained any weight because of how sick I was. I'd gain, then lose, then gain, then lose. My pregnancy weight gain, total, was 20lbs. About 4 or 5 weeks after I had Lily, I was back down to 165, and now here we are 30lbs heavier. I had every intention of getting back into the gym as often as I could, as soon as I could, but it ended up being a lot more difficult than I had thought. I wanted to spend as much time with my daughter as I could. My mom baby-sits, and sometimes Lily is with her 12 hours a day, and I just didn't want to burden my mom (and have Lily away from us even longer) by going to the gym in the mornings before work. Then my mom said she'd keep her later if I wanted to go after work, so I did a few times. But, picking Lily up at 9 at night didn't shorten the time she was at my parents and away from me, and then I had what felt like even less time with her once we got home, because I had house hold chores to do and she fell asleep. I had a lot of bad mommy guilt and bad wife guilt, so that plan went out the window. Even though I had changed my eating habits for the most part, no physical activity had caught up in a big way.
That brings us to Insanity, here and now. I can do it at home. Whether I get up early, wait until Lily falls asleep, or do it in the middle of the afternoon while she watches me look ridiculous from her playpen, I can do it and not lose time with her. Being at home jumping around like a lunatic requires a clean floor, so the house is staying cleaner so I have work space. I'm going to work on my eating and change those habits even more.
My goal for my family is to be really active and healthy. I want to make sure JP and I are able to instill GOOD habits in Lily so she enjoys outdoor/athletic/physical activity and doesn't wrinkle her nose at a plate of grilled tilapia and veggies because it's not breaded, fried, and nugget shaped. I want to make sure JP and I have ourselves in good shape before Lily is old enough to remember what we look like out of shape.
Rather than sitting around and continuing to complain about how big I feel (all the while getting bigger), I'm going to push myself through to the end of this workout. Then, I might do it again. Hopefully by then, I'll be at my new job at the Main Office with better hours, so I'll have more leeway for gym time. I'm GOING to get back in shape...maybe even better shape than ever!
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